we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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