His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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