Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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