I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
