Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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