i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
