my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
