what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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