sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
