return my video game
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
two words...techno handjob
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
