Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
