She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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