dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
