doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
