yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
