"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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