i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
