Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
