glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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