I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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