Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I just went to clothing optional bar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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