My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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