Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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