would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
