I bet he comes in French.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
