I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
