If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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