i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
