you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms