so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in