I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.