Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

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  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (1112) Bad night (5618)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

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  (570): I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob http://tfl.nu/rxex
  Replies (22) Good night (1120) Bad night (11864)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...

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  (205): he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off... http://tfl.nu/kran
  Replies (6) Good night (3596) Bad night (886)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.

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  (317): The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures. http://tfl.nu/juvj
  Replies (8) Good night (2856) Bad night (647)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  SMART GIRL

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  (978): there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's (1-978): SMART GIRL http://tfl.nu/njon
  Replies (2) Good night (1863) Bad night (711)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo

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  (409): Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo http://tfl.nu/65rk
  Replies (15) Good night (2692) Bad night (991)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom

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  (571): Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night. (571): just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom http://tfl.nu/0d08
  Replies (4) Good night (2286) Bad night (763)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life

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  (719): I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life http://tfl.nu/rr8c
  Replies (5) Good night (1370) Bad night (534)
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  (831): View more from California

  After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"

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  (831): After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!" http://tfl.nu/os8d
  Replies (4) Good night (2840) Bad night (701)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.

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  (601): Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator. http://tfl.nu/qsk4
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (1229)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila

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  (267): At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila http://tfl.nu/iq3c
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (604)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music

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  (405): My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music http://tfl.nu/k5xa
  Replies (3) Good night (657) Bad night (340)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.

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  (218): I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again. http://tfl.nu/g6kg
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (672)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?

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  (317): You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright? http://tfl.nu/vosa
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (187)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.

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  (832): Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails. http://tfl.nu/wp0v
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (135)

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