last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex