Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.