it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.