Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear

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(850): View more from Florida

One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey

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(440): View more from Ohio

Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.

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(613): View more from Ontario

So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

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(732): View more from New Jersey

There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.

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(718): View more from New York

in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay

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(310): View more from California

I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.

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