As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
