im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
