Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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