I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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