His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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