she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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