you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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