dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
