that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
