We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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