I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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