The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
