How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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