Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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