I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
