We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
