Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
