i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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