If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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