so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
