so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
