I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
