We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
