i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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