mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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