They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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