So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
