you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your cock deserves a montage
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
