I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
