So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
