Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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