Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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