I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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