So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
