It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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