I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
