her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
