can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
