i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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