I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
